The state of our union is fucked.

Fenster and Liebs live-blog the State of the Union Address...

[21:03] fenster: joe lieberman and sam alito have the two most smug grins of the evening thus far

[21:03] fenster: you're not missing much.

[21:03] liebs: 16.1 seconds left, 62-62, Tech ball

[21:03] fenster: it's kind of like the banter that goes on on talk shows underneath the theme music into and out of commercial stopsets.

[21:04] fenster: i bet alito's not wearing any pants under the robe.

[21:04] liebs: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

[21:04] fenster: what are they gonna do - fire him?

[21:04] liebs: they take Tech's tip-in away, call a foul, VPI shoots 2 free throws for the game with 0.5 seconds left

[21:04] liebs: motherfucker

[21:05] fenster: so it'll set the perfect mood for you to watch the agenda for the next year worth of american decay.

[21:05] liebs: good thing I don't own a gun

[21:05] liebs: fuck

[21:05] fenster: what kind of georgian are you, leibs?

[21:05] fenster: what would jesus do?

[21:05] fenster: he would own at least three guns!

[21:05] liebs: I've been sports blue balled

[21:06] fenster: your years as a ranger fan should have prepared you for that.



[21:06] liebs: bleh

[21:06] fenster: sam alito's bald spot looks like the number 9.

[21:07] liebs: dammit, 63-62, that's 6 losses in a row

[21:07] liebs: what channel are we watching this on?

[21:07] fenster: your years as a redskins fan should have prepared you for that.

[21:07] fenster: msnbc.

[21:07] liebs: because I'm not depressed enough already

[21:08] fenster: here come da bush.

[21:08] fenster: are people booing?

[21:08] liebs: bouche

[21:08] liebs: rhymes with douche

[21:08] fenster: that's incredibly ironic.

[21:09] fenster: bill frist looks like he's about to shit his pants just about every time he's in front of a camera

[21:09] liebs: "hey Tiny. Sweet Tits. Shooter. Cha Cha, how ya doin!"

[21:09] fenster: which one is sweet tits?

[21:09] liebs: your guess is as good as mine

[21:09] fenster: i wonder if he calls the house minority leader nanny-poo.

[21:10] fenster: "hey, token! nice robe!"

[21:10] liebs: I wonder how often Laura stands between two black people

[21:10] liebs: hell, 2 non-Christian white people

[21:10] liebs: non-Christian, non-white people

[21:10] fenster: probably only in her wank fantasies. HEYOOOOO!

[21:10] liebs: because I'm not nauseated enough from the basketball, obrigado

[21:10] fenster: she dreams of being the cream in a michael steele-clarence thomas oreo.

[21:11] fenster: oooh, poor taste.

[21:11] liebs: where's that rogue Japan Airlines flight when you need it?

[21:11] fenster: my god dennis hastert is fat.

[21:11] fenster: be careful, you'll get both of us on the watchlist

[21:11] fenster: i'm a travel writer. i need to be able to get on planes

[21:12] liebs: I only read Debt of Honor, I didn't write it

[21:12] fenster: bush sounds a bit slurry

[21:12] fenster: i wonder if he needed a nip or two to get through this thing

[21:13] liebs: it's tough to force out nice words about Coretta King

[21:13] liebs: for him

[21:13] fenster: yikes, hearing him pronounce "rostrum" was hard.

[21:13] liebs: think he has any idea what "rostrum" means?

[21:13] fenster: i wouldn't guess he cares

[21:13] fenster: scolding the democrats already.

[21:14] fenster: the state of our union is always strong. someone buy the man a thesaurus.

[21:14] fenster: of course, bible beaters like bush believe that the thesaurus is a tool of satan to disprove the events of the book of genesis.

[21:15] liebs: that doesn't make any fucking sense

[21:15] fenster: september 11!

[21:15] liebs: 9/11

[21:15] fenster: everybody drink!

[21:15] liebs: drink!!!

[21:15] fenster: terrists.

[21:16] fenster: weapons of mass destruction!

[21:16] fenster: this all sounds very familiar

[21:16] fenster: act boldly in freedom's cause ... except when it's the freedom to elect hamas

[21:16] liebs: McCain's thinking, "what a douche"

[21:16] fenster: 3/4 of the room is.

[21:17] liebs: purple ink this, asshat

[21:17] fenster: wow, the axis of evil got a few pledges huh?

[21:17] fenster: i'm surprised venezuela was off the list.

[21:17] liebs: they had hot rush workers

[21:18] fenster: did he say "vin laden?"

[21:18] liebs: just like radical Christianism!

[21:18] fenster: he's the arab vin diesel!

[21:18] liebs: weapons of mass murder?

[21:18] fenster: the terrorists have chosen the weapon of fear.

[21:18] fenster: if all they have is the weapon of fear, bush should be able to cast a magic missile or something

[21:19] fenster: he sounds testy already

[21:19] liebs: "we love our freedom" to drive 5 mpg Fuck-You-Mobile SUVs

[21:20] fenster: "we no longer believe in our own ideals" - nice of you to notice, abu george.

[21:20] fenster: aw, come on. can we surrender to evil?

[21:20] fenster: the democrats do it almost every day.

[21:20] liebs: isn't that what his daughters do every Saturday in Adams-Morgan?

[21:20] fenster: no, i believe that's called "catching chlamydia."

[21:21] fenster: we have a clear plan to victory!

[21:21] fenster: i'm so glad to hear taht

[21:21] fenster: this is all the exact same shit nobody bought the last 8000 times he said it.

[21:21] liebs: anything specific yet? no?

[21:22] fenster: he's hitting all his catchphrases,

[21:22] fenster: it's like watching steve austin do a promo

[21:22] fenster: predictable and half drunk

[21:22] liebs: is shoving maglites up dudes' assholes brutal?

[21:22] fenster: it depends on the lube.

[21:23] fenster: KY? good. WD40? not as good as you'd think. chunky peanut butter? nuh huh.

[21:23] liebs: riiiiiiiiight

[21:23] fenster: one of those navy chicks clapping uncomfortably looks like christopher walken.

[21:23] liebs: not by politicians in Washington, DC - I'll believe that when I see it

[21:23] fenster: he really sounds like he's tripping over his tongue

[21:24] fenster: it's amazing if you compare video of him speaking now with video of him speaking in 1998 or so

[21:24] fenster: something's obviously different

[21:24] liebs: bourbon's a mean wine

[21:24] liebs: did he just say "hindsightism"?

[21:24] fenster: a duty to speak with candor?

[21:24] fenster: i bet he doesn't know "candor" any better than he does "rostrum"

[21:25] fenster: we should have kept a list of words bush used in the speech that he likely didn't know the meaning of

[21:25] fenster: did i see elton john in the gallery?

[21:25] fenster: whoever it is looks emaciated.

[21:25] fenster: maybe elton got the aids as a wedding present

[21:26] liebs: using a dead marine, classy

[21:26] fenster: how dare you denigrate the sacrifice of the military

[21:26] liebs: "Congratulations, your son is dead!!!!"

[21:27] fenster: go join the national guard, you hippie scum.

[21:27] fenster: that looks like donna from that 70s show.

[21:27] fenster: hey dead marine, your sister's pretty hot.

[21:27] fenster: at least i hope it's his sister and not his wife

[21:27] liebs: you're being used, ginger

[21:27] fenster: because this would be an awkward moment otherwise

[21:28] fenster: this is all the same shit all over again

[21:28] fenster: jesus christ

[21:28] fenster: get some new material

[21:28] liebs: elections that elect Hamas, dummy?!!!

[21:28] fenster: did he say strong cannibal institiutions?

[21:29] liebs: is he serious about the Egyptian elections?

[21:29] fenster: nobody watches the fact check afterwards.

[21:29] fenster: saudi arabian reform!

[21:29] fenster: riiiiiight

[21:30] fenster: his description of iraq again sounds like the religious right

[21:30] fenster: this is useless saber rattling. iran doesn

[21:30] fenster: 't care how loud and peevish bush gets

[21:30] fenster: dude i think his eyes just went cross for a minute

[21:31] fenster: rumsfeld looks vicious

[21:31] fenster: like he just ate a baby covered in lemon pulp

[21:31] fenster: spreading hope in hopeless lands

[21:31] fenster: i wonder if he'll mention new orleans?

[21:32] fenster: villerger?

[21:32] liebs: but not for a knocked-up American chick!

[21:32] fenster: the jug trade?

[21:32] fenster: he's drunk.

[21:32] fenster: that's a freudian slip if ever there was

[21:34] fenster: would it be racist for me to say that alberto gonzales looks like a shifty little bastard?

[21:34] liebs: September the 11th!!!

[21:34] fenster: or would i have to add a few adjectives, like refrito-smeared?

[21:34] fenster: shit. drink!

[21:34] liebs: "we did not know of their plans" - YES YOU DID, DUMMY!!!!

[21:35] liebs: not true

[21:35] fenster: he's pulling this out of his ass

[21:35] fenster: this whole thing is a pack of lies

[21:35] fenster: hillary has a new and improved joker products grin

[21:35] fenster: and bush looks like he's about to deliver a suckerpunch

[21:36] liebs: tera networks?

[21:36] fenster: the pursed lips and droopy eyes

[21:36] liebs: "when freedom is on the march" - do you think he realizes the paradox there?

[21:37] fenster: of course not

[21:37] fenster: i don't think he knows the meaning of the word paradox either.

[21:38] liebs: that's because Japan and the EU are in severe recession, dumbass

[21:39] liebs: "I need my gardeners on the ranch in Crawford, people!"

[21:40] fenster: i feel another round of explosive diarrhea coming on.

[21:40] fenster: give rich people more tax cuts!

[21:40] fenster: and the republicans go crazy

[21:40] liebs: "I urge the Congree to act responsibly" and put us even further in debt to the Chinese

[21:41] fenster: i thought congress spending was out of control? which is it?

[21:41] fenster: "cut the deficit in half by 2009"

[21:41] fenster: Liar!

[21:42] fenster: wow, mccain nearly had a stroke clapping for the earmark reform

[21:43] fenster: hillary looks really uncomfortable. i wonder if her disgust is real or if she spent an hour in front of the mirror practicing it

[21:43] fenster: a moment of levity for the democrats.

[21:44] liebs: let's create a commission to examine!!!!

[21:44] liebs: because we need more bureaucracy, that always solves problems

[21:44] fenster: so we can ignore its recommendations and do whatever we wanted to in the first place!

[21:44] liebs: we still make and grow stuff?

[21:46] liebs: uh oh, Boosh don't like the Democrats taking the piss

[21:47] fenster: health savings accounts, another lovely crock o' merde.

[21:47] fenster: i wonder how long it'll take to blow this one out of the water

[21:47] liebs: Wall Street loves it, it must be good!

[21:47] fenster: there's no way any of that's moving forward

[21:48] liebs: tort reform has NOTHING to do with doctors' insurance rates

[21:48] fenster: nope.

[21:48] fenster: just another giveaway to the insurance companies

[21:48] liebs: they've spent 10 billion, a fraction of what we need

[21:48] liebs: 22% more is STILL NOT ENOUGH

[21:48] fenster: he said nukeular. drirnk

[21:49] liebs: funding for hybrid cars, only 6 years too late

[21:49] fenster: yeah, too bad nobody will be left at ford or gm to build them

[21:50] liebs: by 2025, there won't be any OIL LEFT

[21:50] fenster: by 2030 we all better have mr. fusion on our delorean

[21:50] liebs: 1.21 JIGGAWATTS!!!!

[21:51] fenster: give our children a firm grounding in math and science.

[21:51] fenster: what would jesus engineer?

[21:51] liebs: that girl's thinking, "shit, I've got to take more math and science now?"

[21:51] fenster: you hear that science man? bush give you money!

[21:51] liebs: nano nano

[21:52] liebs: you know where that nanotechnology money goes to? Defense projects

[21:52] fenster: of cours.e

[21:52] liebs: "Center for Soldier Nanotechnologies"

[21:52] liebs: stain resistant uniforms, hooray!!!

[21:53] liebs: sorry Dubya, research universities prefer foreign students whose governments pay for their tuition

[21:54] liebs: thank you, Trojan Man

[21:54] fenster: now he pays the piper

[21:54] fenster: red meat for the mouth breathers

[21:54] fenster: abstinence is for fuckers.

[21:54] fenster: i think i'm going to make that a t-shirt.

[21:55] liebs: does he realize all these societal improvements are due to Clinton initiatives that Bush just ignored since 2000?

[21:55] fenster: well, it stands to reason

[21:55] fenster: that if everything wrong in bush's term is clinton's fault

[21:55] fenster: everything clinton did right, bush gets the credit for

[21:55] fenster: dipso, facto.

[21:56] liebs: Chief Justice John Roberts - bleh

[21:56] liebs: I miss Thurgood Marshall

[21:56] liebs: "legislate from the bench" - you fucktard

[21:57] fenster: roberts at least looks like the kind of guy who'll look you in the eye as he slides in the knife.

[21:57] liebs: and by knife you mean cock into other gay man's anus?

[21:57] fenster: human-animal hybrids? WTF?!

[21:58] fenster: i'm glad to see bush addressing the big issues of the day

[21:59] fenster: my tivo wants to change this and put on invader zim.

[21:59] fenster: i figure, what's the difference?

[21:59] liebs: at 9 my tivo wanted to change to Chappelle's Show

[22:00] fenster: more opportunities that the people most affected by katrina won't be able to get within a mile of

[22:01] fenster: i thought for a second there he was going to say that half of all AIDS cases were caused by HIV

[22:01] liebs: ah, faith-based groups, awesome

[22:01] liebs: which faith, you think?

[22:01] fenster: isn't turning the department of defense into a faith-based initiative enough?

[22:02] fenster: we sounds like he's on the home stretch

[22:03] fenster: he definitely sounds a bit castrated since last year

[22:03] fenster: and why aren't we going to mars anymore?

[22:03] liebs: bleh