My Las Vegas Hate List - the first in a continuing series

Las Vegas is a misanthrope's wet dream. This city provides some of the world's most fascinating people-watching, as people from all over the world descend upon Sin City to lose themselves, or find themselves.

But my god, some of them are so fucking stupid I want to push them in front of traffic.

Tourists ... residents ... everybody. Nincompoops. The closest thing we have to an ivory tower is the Stratosphere Tower. And while it offers Dean Martinis in its lounge, you won't find any other kind of dean.

I shouldn't complain though. This city wouldn't exist at all if anyone in America knew anything about math.

This is the first in a series in which I will document the stupidity of man, as a public service to the three of you who aren't total morons.

Today's topic: Elevator Idiots.

How is it possible that people's IQ drops on elevators faster than the elevators themselves? Every single day I witness somebody completely in his or her own little world, failing to pay attention to anything that happens in an elevator. It's like a stupid shaft.

My office is on the mezzanine level of our hotel - right above the casino floor. There are 11 floors of guestrooms above the mezzanine, plus the pool and spa.

Every single day, at least once and sometimes twice, I try to take the elevator down to the casino level, and someone coming down from upstairs tries to get off on my floor. Even though the CASINO button on the elevator is clearly still lit up! I usually say something like "Next floor," to which I get the blankest stares this side of Terri Schiavo. I usually have to explain in greater detail, "The casino is one more floor down" before they get it.

One time I saw somebody get out of the downbound elevator on the mezzanine level and then immediately turn around and get into an upbound elevator without so much as looking at it. For all I know the guy did that all day. Up and down.

Then this morning, I got on the elevator in the parking deck on the 7th floor. Someone had parked on the roof (which is employee only) and was already in the elevator. He asked me if this was the casino level. Looking right at me and the sign behind me reading CASINO ACCESS LEVEL 1 ONLY.

Then a couple got on the elevator at level 4. Finally we got down to the casino level and the oblivious roof-parking numbnuts got off, and I started to get off, but I noticed the couple staying on. I told them "This is the casino level." They said, "Oh, we're not going to this casino." They were going to the casino next door.

So they decided to stay on the elevator.

Because they wanted to go next door.

Let me repeat that, because I did a double take when I witnessed it.

They decided to stay on the elevator because they wanted to go next door.

I practically lost my shit and had to actually make an effort to avoid raising my voice as I gave them directions to their casino of choice.

So do the world a favor. The next time you get on an elevator, don't zone out. Don't start contemplating your belly button lint just yet. Please just focus on the little digital number on the display. When it matches the number on the button you pushed, get off.

Thank you.